I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
