After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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