I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
