How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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