It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
