feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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