hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
