no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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