you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
