Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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