Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
is that a dick in a sweater?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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