So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
