I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
