I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
