I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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