I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
