your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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