I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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