speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
