im drinking this country out of the recession.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
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I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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