is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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