I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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