sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
