Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
