i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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