Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
