DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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