Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
