Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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