i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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