Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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