just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
