You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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