This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
