I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
