I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
