He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
