Ketchup is God's man juice
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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