sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
