i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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