My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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