I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
