Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
