he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just cropdusted the office
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
