are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
