I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
