fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
