You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
