She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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