90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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