I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
