i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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