You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
