It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
