hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
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My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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