she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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