I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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