Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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