I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
