weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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