you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
