I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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